Dear Spammers...

…fuck you. No, seriously, fuck you.

I have tried to be polite each time you called. I have tried to tell you in non-angry words that your calls are not welcome. I have tried to tell you in a thousand ways that I don’t care how high or low the market is and why exactly I am not afraid of dying a horrible death in 2012. I have tried to convince you to scrub your database of numbers against the National Do Not Call (a.k.a. NDNC) database and you have always ignored my advice. Therefore, fuck you. Yeah, fuck you and your attempts to sell me your snake oil six ways to Sunday.

I have begun elaborate plans to unleash the biggest weapon on your lazy asses. I call it the “Send ‘START 0’ as a text message to 1909 from ANY mobile number to stop ALL spam calls” weapon. Sorry, what? You were expecting it to have smarter name? How about ‘Your Death’? How does that sound? Good? Bad? Ugly? Honestly, does it look like I give a fuck?

Good-bye and good riddance. Fuck you.

To all other kindred spirits being similarly harassed by telemarketers, the Telecom Commercial Communications Customer Preference Portal of the TRAI is the answer all of you have been looking for. CLICK THAT LINK, NAO!

It is full of delight-inducing, endorphin-releasing statements such as the following:

For complaint through SMS, customer has to send SMS “COMP TEL NO XXXXXXXXXX;dd/mm/yy;Time in hh:mm; short description of Unsolicited Commercial Communication” to 1909. Where XXXXXXXXXX – is the telephone number or header of the SMS, from which the UCC has originated.

Service Provider will take action on complaint and inform the complainant within 7 days of lodging of complaint. Customers may check registration status of his complaint through the link “UCC Complaint Registration Status”.

Sweet music to my ears, aaah!!